The Cinema & Me
When I used to watch films in my youth, I was yearning to learn new things, new experiences, places and people, even if I was living vicariously thru faux folks-in-fiction, and scripted situations projected on the silver screen.
I scoured local film festivals and devoured obscure foreign films in VHS+LD+VCD in an attempt to constantly find something new, a voice I have not heard from before, visions to open my mind with. I enjoyed the escapade and yearned to be apart of making films too. And then I was.
As I got older, I yearned to (re)connect with humanity, with a sentimentality missing from my own isolation from people in real life, seeking a fleeting validation of my flashback existence with fictional constructs.
"Experiencing something new" took a backseat to my yearning for stories that mirrored mine, real or imagined ... but also appreciating good stories that are not of my own.
The "cringe" I had experienced of watching my decades-old projects, gave way to a notion of importance, of archival and a shared legacy - not just of my own - but of folks' shared timelines and lifetimes, IMHO, somewhat desperately so.
As I passed my 50 years, I now look to be entertained, and even if it's only a momentary escape from the realities I have since experienced thus far, and quite frankly have no urgent desire to reel-live it, as I already do in real life, beyond the screen in front of my vision, and the earphones that block out the world around me.
I embraced "bullshit" only meant to be "entertaining", but will not tolerate it as a "way of life" - be it from well-meaning friends, or shoved into my face from strangers.
I might no longer live the reel-dream, but I cherish it still.
You might doubt or disagree with my choices, but don't deny me my love for the cinema.
Cheers,
Andy TOYSREVIL
I scoured local film festivals and devoured obscure foreign films in VHS+LD+VCD in an attempt to constantly find something new, a voice I have not heard from before, visions to open my mind with. I enjoyed the escapade and yearned to be apart of making films too. And then I was.
As I got older, I yearned to (re)connect with humanity, with a sentimentality missing from my own isolation from people in real life, seeking a fleeting validation of my flashback existence with fictional constructs.
"Experiencing something new" took a backseat to my yearning for stories that mirrored mine, real or imagined ... but also appreciating good stories that are not of my own.
The "cringe" I had experienced of watching my decades-old projects, gave way to a notion of importance, of archival and a shared legacy - not just of my own - but of folks' shared timelines and lifetimes, IMHO, somewhat desperately so.
As I passed my 50 years, I now look to be entertained, and even if it's only a momentary escape from the realities I have since experienced thus far, and quite frankly have no urgent desire to reel-live it, as I already do in real life, beyond the screen in front of my vision, and the earphones that block out the world around me.
I embraced "bullshit" only meant to be "entertaining", but will not tolerate it as a "way of life" - be it from well-meaning friends, or shoved into my face from strangers.
I might no longer live the reel-dream, but I cherish it still.
You might doubt or disagree with my choices, but don't deny me my love for the cinema.
Cheers,
Andy TOYSREVIL
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